How to Interact with a Noob
By Ravenhawk | April 12, 2007
I got bored the other day and was doing a little random romping about Gaia Online. While doing so, I came upon an amusing fellow who posted the following. I find it not only amusing for its application to gaia but the fact that, if you exchanged the word Gaia for whatever online game you play, it basically still stays relevant:
Hello, fellow adventurers. During your many travels through our beautiful land of Gaia, you may come across a very special and unique creature: the n00b.
The n00b is a remarkable creature as it disguises itself as a regular citizen of Gaia. This is the n00b’s primary form of attack as it will allow the wily n00b to get quite close to you before inflicting damage. Luckily, their disguises are usually poor and can be identified as their armor may be several levels out of date. Also, the n00b disguise is based on a sad misunderstanding our common culture as their equipment may not reflect the job they are trying to portray.
Be careful not to confuse a n00b with a similar species known as the newb. Newbs can be distinguished from n00bs by their use of proper grammar and good manners.
A n00b can be identified by it’s distinct call. This call can be heard from quite a distance as most n00bs seem to only communicate through /shout. If you listen carefully, you may be fortunate enough to spot a n00b.
Here are some examples of common n00b calls:
“PLZ can i hav sum goldz!!!”
“Sum1 buy my sword!!!”
“Ne girlz wanna ciber?!!”
Now, once you have identified a n00b, I must recommend that you stay as far away as possible. Unless you have a great deal of experience with n00bs, any interaction may be harmful to both your physical and mental well being.
If, however, you choose to interact with a n00b, this simple translation guide may help you. Here is a look at a simple conversation with a n00b including a n00b to english translation.
You>> Hello there. How are you?
N00b>> wow u r rich. Can I have goldz? (english: I notice that you have nice gear and wonder if you might be able to aid me in acquiring my own gear)
You>> No, no, good sir. I worked for my gold. You may not have it.
N00b>> but you gotz lotz!!! (english: I understand your feelings on the matter, but find it difficult to actually acquire my own goldz)
You>> I know, but I cannot just give you money.
N00b>> N00B!!! (english: apparently I am confused and think you may be a member of my species. Do you know Fred?)
You>> I apologize for the misunderstanding. I am not a n00b.
N00b>> STFU!!! (english: I am of a differing opinion and feel that it might be best if we agree to disagree)
As you can see from the above conversation, interspecies communication with a n00b can prove highly difficult.
In all interactions with a n00b, please take care to leave the n00b as you found it. Their social structure is quite fragile and any assistance you may provide may raise them to a new and dangerous level: the ferocious asshat.
Thank you for your time. Remember: have your n00bs spayed or neutered.
Tags: Games, 1337, Gaia, Noobs
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Chat speak on the other side
By Ravenhawk | January 27, 2007
I dislike chat speak as much as anyone else, but I also like playing devil’s advocate.
While it is an abomination of the English language, chat speak allows people to communicate a lot faster. Society is general these days seems to want to do everything as fast as they can.
Mark Twain, that guy who wrote Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Fin, and a bunch of other stuff I never read, was a large proponent of trying to make the English language phonetic. In a way, chat speak is the realization of that dream. Many words are simplified, extra letters (coughvowelscough) are removed…
There are easily arguments that could be made for the use of chat speak. I perfer, however, that the people I play games with type ‘literately’ or, like they have more than a first grade education.
Tags: Uncategorized, 1337, Chat speak
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IM and 1337 speak.
By Ravenhawk | January 26, 2007
I have recently noticed that IM and Leetspeak are becoming very popular in almost every online interaction with other people. Forums, games, blogs, websites, everything. I mean, can’t people type normal? A few abbreviations are fine, but what the hell is this?
“Lyke 0Mg.AHAHA lmfao!!111j00 r dumbsh1T!11!”
If you ask me, one day we will forget our ability to speak english and go to this primitive way of speaking, just because people are lazy and don’t want to type a few extra letters or words.
((This post was written by TheSwiftEye a short-time co-author of The Socialist Gamer Review back in it’s blogger days. During the move, all posts were accredited to ravenhawk. For the sake of the archives, most of his posts have been preserved, even though they are no longer properly attributed.))
Tags: Uncategorized, 1337, Instant Messenger
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